


It's not even funny

by Grimmalie



Series: Sick Joke series [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Fluff, Genderbend, Genderswitch, Grief, M/M, Magic, Mentions of Rape, Mpreg, Thoughts of Suicide, father!Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 05:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/744909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimmalie/pseuds/Grimmalie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint will stop at nothing to get his daughter back.  Once he has her, though, will he even be right for her as a father?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not even funny

**Author's Note:**

> True to my word, here it goes: I thought I'd post another chapter based on all the kind words and encouragement from the first one. Thank you everyone who reviewed! Who knows, maybe there'll be a few more adventures for them.
> 
> Please visit my page to read some of my other works, or check out my novel currently entered in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest (downloads, ratings, and reviews would be most helpful!)
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Trickster-ABNA-2013-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N37MU

They had searched everywhere on God's green earth, and that was just the problem. Loki wasn't human, so he probably wasn't screwing around any place on earth. Which meant pretty much Clint's only hope of ever seeing his daughter again lay in Thor's ability to track her. He liked the big guy, and he damn well respected him as a warrior, but he was no hunter. Even if he did, this was his brother he was trying to track down. Loki knew how to avoid him.

Clint couldn't count on a lot of people off planet. Technically, Loki was Cathy's father, which meant he had some claim to her. Clint tried to fight back against the pompous looking aliens from who knew how many planets or realms or whatever they were. He yelled, he screamed at the top of his lungs that Cathy was his daughter, dammit! Loki had raped him. That should negate and parental claim. 

It burned the bag of his throat saying that out loud, and for a moment he thought he was going to puke. But the fact remained. Cathy was half human and half frost giant. The simple fact that Loki might be better equipped to raises a half mortal than Clint might be to raise a half god made them pause. Right up until they thought of how Loki might use Cathy. Then they decided it was worth intervening.

Cathy wasn't a child. She was a pawn. A weapon. A variable to be weighed and measured, never mind that she had a home and a family and a monkey doll she had slept with every night. She and Clint and even Phil were just pieces in some cosmic puzzle.

\--

Phil was patient with him, which Clint didn't really think was fair. With Cathy gone, Clint didn't have much interest in anyone or anything outside of trying to find her. He ate only when someone made him, slept only when he couldn't see straight, and never once tried to initiate so much as a conversation unless he absolutely had to. Phil's whole job was taking care of people, making sure they were where they needed to be, doing what they needed to do. Which was why it couldn't be easy for him to have to come home and do the same thing. 

He played the saint, acted like it didn't bother him, but Clint wasn't stupid. At night, he stopped trying to hold Clint. During the day, he stopped trying to cheer him up. This wasn't just Clint's grief, after all. It was just all that Clint had the energy to feel.

\--

He knew it was stupid. It wasn't going to help at all, but some nights he slipped into her room and slept in that old cot he'd set up. It was a way to remind himself of what had been stolen from him, and what he was trying to get back. That was his mission. He was a SHIELD agent, and he always completed his mission.

Sometimes, though, even that wasn't enough. The silence and the emptiness tore at his insides, and he had to clutch at the sides of the cot, struggling to breathe. On nights like those, he wasn't an agent. He was a parent.

\--

"Clint, you're climbing the walls."

Clint fired another arrow without really looking at the target. The range hadn't ever really been a challenge for him. It just kept him busy.

"Last I checked, my feet were on the ground."

"Too on the ground, if you ask me." Natasha held out the file. "Nothing big. Drug bust in Florida. They think it might be something bigger. Could be worth looking into."

Clint scowled down at the file, but made no move to take it.

"That's not going to help be find Cathy."

"No, but it'll give you a target in the meantime."

\--

He felt guilty, taking a mission when he should be searching for Cathy. Every second that passed made him want to scream because it was a second longer that Cathy was going to be that psycho's care. It was nice, though, to be able to take out his aggression on a target. He tried to think of it as making the world a little safer before Cathy came back to him.

\--

Six months since she had been taken from him. Six months of sleepless nights, food that tasted like ash, and he gnawing emptiness in his gut that threatened to swallow him whole every day. He'd been a shambling wreck since that night, but he'd been moving forward. Then he couldn't.

It wasn't anything in particular. He was given the day off, asked not to come in, and so he just hung around toe apartment, reviewing their cases and trying to make it minute to minute. He didn't read anything shocking. There was no smell or sight or sound that reminded him of her. He just… remembered. The months and months he had spent shuffling around this building, feeling like a stranger in his own body and caring for her in his growing belly. The fear when she came. The worry and unexpected contentment he felt when he looked at her round little face. He remembered those sleepless nights when she was crying and the way her very presence so deeply impacted the rest of the team. She made them a family, for the short time they'd had her.

She'd been gone longer than she'd been with them.

His whole world, which had once been so seemingly solid, was not as fragile and transparent as a soap bubble. He could last a little bit longer, but it was doomed to destruction sooner or later.

A hand rested on his shoulder.

"Clint?"

Clint glanced up, and it was only then that he realized how blurred his vision was. How wet his face was. Phil sank down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and Clint collapsed, howling and sobbing into his arms.

\--

It felt like a lifetime had passed before they finally, finally had a lead. Loki had started working with some of Earth’s other villains, which wouldn’t have been the worst idea in the world if he hadn’t been working with Doom. That guy could give even Loki’s ego a run for its money and, subsequently, his security was frequently lacking.

It was a simple matter of hacking Doom’s network, taking out a few Doombots along the way, and the next thing Clint knew, they had it. They could find Cathy. For the first time in months, Clint felt hope surging through his veins, giving him a reason to get up in the morning. He was going to get his daughter back.

\--

The problem with Clint’s life, consistently, was that things had a way of not running smoothly. In an ideal world, they would find Loki’s base, find Cathy and secure her, kill the smug son of a bitch, and order a pizza to arrive when they got home. Clint had never once lived in an ideal world, which was why he found himself trapped in a room with chunks of the ceiling falling out as the base shook itself to pieces, an arrow nocked and ready, bow pointed at Loki with standing orders not to kill him, and nobody knew where the hell Cathy was.

Well, nobody except Loki.

“Where is she?” Clint asked lowly. Loki chuckled.

“Am I to believe you will spare my life if I tell you?”

“If it comes to that. Your call.”

Loki folded his arms and leaned against the back wall, utterly unfazed by the projectile pointed directly at his eyeball.

“I don’t understand why you want her so badly. Did you not try to abort her?”

Clint’s grip tightened ever so slightly, enough to compromise his aim. He couldn’t afford that. He needed this shot to be clean if he got to take it.

“Times changed. And, last I checked, she was a hell of a lot more mine than she is yours.” Nine months he’d had her in him, and he’d spent almost the full amount of time in a body that didn’t fit. That didn’t feel right. The pain he went through, the shame, the grief… No. He couldn’t abort her. He couldn’t wipe his slate clean. But he got the next best thing. He got to take all that pain and turn it into something meaningful.

Loki’s lip twitched.

“Is she really, Barton? And I suppose you know how to lead a magical child through puberty. Suppose my blood is stronger.” He took a step forward. Clint adjusted his aim. “Suppose her Jotun heritage comes through. You won’t even be able to touch her.”

“Don’t care. Tell us where she is.”

“It doesn’t matter, anyway. She died shortly after I took her.”

Clint’s stomach dropped. The world went hazy around the edges. Everything he’d been fighting for the last six months withered and floated away, and he was so tempted to go with it. Just stop pretending he could even be whole anymore. 

“You’re lying,” he said hollowly. Loki arched a brow.

“Did you really think we could interbreed and expect a healthy, long-lived child? You are not the first human I’ve bred, Agent Barton, and this is not the first death I have weathered.”

Clint’s hand shook, and it was a struggle to keep it trained on Loki. He just needed the order to come through. Permission to take the kill shot because the last thing he needed was to have his ass thrown in lockdown. Then again… what did he have to lose? If Cathy was gone, what did he have to cling to?

Loki took another step forward, his eyes wide.

“Ever the perfect pet, weren’t you?” he sneered. “You’d throw yourself on a sword if it was asked of you by a superior. I should know.” His lips twitched again. “You threw yourself on mine repeatedly. Would you like to try again, Agent Barton? Perhaps, with practice, we can produce a viable offspring.” 

Clint’s hands shook even harder. Chunks of the ceiling crashed to the floor behind him. Still, no order. The world was crumbling around him.

He let the arrow go.

Loki laughed… and disappeared. A projection. Just another one of his damned projections.

Clint’s bow clattered to the ground and he followed it, hardly feeling the pain as his knees crashed into the concrete. The world was crumbling, and he was tired of fighting. He was ready to let it swallow him.

His earpiece buzzed.

“Barton!” Phil’s voice was broken and muffled by static. “Do… copy? Re… nd Cathy… Copy?”

Clint’s brows furrowed. He pressed his fingers to the earpiece.

“No. I don’t copy, you’re coming in too fuzzy.”

“…nd… thy… Found… athy…Repeat, found Ca…”

Clint’s heart started to pick up again.

“What’s her status?”

“…fine… -trieval… get you…”

A minute later, another voice came on.

“Agent Coulson’s radio was damaged in the fight,” Steve said. “Hawkeye, we need your location. We found Cathy. We need to get out of here.”

Clint glanced up, and suddenly the damage didn’t seem so bad. He could make it out of here.

\--

She was bigger than he remembered, and dressed in some weird sort of Asgardian baby dress. They’d have to get some new clothes for her. None of her onesies would fit anymore.

The doctors gave her a thorough examination, during which Clint just about climbed the walls trying to get in there to her. It was only after they determined that she had suffered no ill effects from her time with Loki that she was finally returned to him.

The second she was back in his arms, Clint felt stable. He’d almost forgotten what it was like having solid ground beneath his feet and air in his lungs. She stared blankly at him for a second, and in that second he worried she might have forgotten him. Then she smiled and squealed, reaching up to grab at the unfamiliar fabric of his uniform. He sighed in relief and sank down into a chair, shutting out the rest of the world for a few minutes.

“Hey there, baby girl,” he breathed. “I missed you.”

\--

Clint didn’t sleep that first night. He took up his old post in her nursery, just watching her. His precious baby girl. She fidgeted a little, no longer used to her bed or her toys or the clothes they dressed her in, but he had only to put one hand in the crib and she would grip his finger and smile up at him as though they’d never been apart.

\--

There were little things about her, things he didn’t remember. A small birth mark on her leg that had grown into a dark mole. The color of her eyes, once bright blue, had clouded over into a steely gray. She didn’t drink from a bottle anymore, and was surprisingly clean with her baby food. Her dark hair had grown longer, starting to curl, prompting him to buy little barrettes to hold it back. She favored different toys than she used to because she didn’t remember the other ones, anyway. Pretty much the only thing that hadn’t changed was the way she smiled when she saw everyone’s faces.

That was enough, he supposed. But he was never going to forgive Loki for robbing him of six months of his daughter’s life.

\--

“Maybe I shouldn’t be taking care of her,” Clint murmured, his head pressed against the window. Cathy had a cold, and for whatever reason could be consoled only by Natasha, who was still carrying her around the tower, bouncing her softly and singing badly in Russian.

“You’re doing a great job. First time parents always take some time to adjust,” Phil assured him.

But it wasn’t the cold. Not really. He didn’t want to admit it, but Loki’s words had gotten to him. He’d tried to abort her. And even now, even after knowing her, he could still look back and say it was the right choice for the time. He didn’t even regret it. Wasn’t he supposed to regret wanting her gone at that point in time, now that he had her and loved her so desperately?

That opened up a whole other can of worms. He didn’t exactly know parents. His own father had been an irresponsible, abusive bastard, and the only reason he and Barney hadn’t been killed in a car crash had been because Barney had had the foresight to get the hell out of there. Then Barney turned on him. Both of Clint’s mentors had ended up being criminals, and basically Clint’s only positive authority figure was Phil, who had sex with him and had briefly faked his death. Clint drank as much as he could when he had the chance, and he loved the thrill of throwing himself out of a building mid-battle, even though he knew stupid risks like that could cost Cathy a father. So what business did he have raising her?

Sometimes, he caught himself wondering what Loki had been like with her. The thought made him sick to his stomach, but he couldn’t help seeing Loki being loving, attentive, and experienced in ways Clint could never be because he’d done it all before. Had they done her a favor, bringing her back?

Phil clapped a hand on his shoulder.

“It’ll get better,” he promised.

\-- 

He didn’t notice it at first. Between his Avengers work and being Cathy’s primary caretaker, sleep’s been a little scarce. Just about the only thing he could really focus on is shooting anymore, so he wasn’t surprised when he went to feed her some mushy peas and ends up with peaches. Clint had half a mind to go back to the pantry. She needed to eat more greens, after all, but he figured one day without won’t kill either of them.

It was only afterwards, when he went to throw the jar of baby food away that he noticed the label still said peas.

\--

Clint couldn’t tell if she had any kind of control or not, but the slip-ups kept happening. He’d go to pull the plug in the tub at the end of bath time, only to find the drain was unexpectedly stopped up. He’d give her one toy, then turn around to find she was holding a different one. He also noticed she basically never lost her pacifier. Ever. Good for not having to listen to a screaming baby, bad for the implications of it.

He started hogging time with her. If the others didn’t spend time with her, they wouldn’t notice. They wouldn’t associate her with Loki. Most importantly, nobody would take any action against her.

\--

He may have taken it a little far. Clint glanced down at Cathy, secure in her sling and sucking on her fist as she stared around the air vent with wide eyes. He hadn’t brought her up here before, but he decided if it was a safe place for him, it was a safe place for her.

“We’ll just stick around up here until your hiccups are gone,” he murmured, rubbing her back.

Cathy hiccupped, and several bubbles appeared in the air in front of her nose, much to her delight.

\--

Clint couldn't keep her from the others indefinitely. He had already raised too much suspicion foregoing nightly patrols and hoarding her time. Eventually, Phil dragged him out. Not for work. Not for practice. Just a dinner with the two of them. He was probably looking for a little more than dinner. At night, when he reached for Clint, Clint didn't pull away anymore. If he wasn't so desperate to get back to Cathy and keep her from the others, he might actually give in.

For a little while, though, he let himself give in to the night out. The Chinese food was good, and it was fun to be out of the tower for a couple of hours. They laughed and told all the crude and dirty jokes they hadn't allowed themselves since Cathy came back. He had so much fun, in fact, that he actually forgot why he'd been denying himself for so long.

He remembered when he came home to find Steve holding Cathy, a knowing look on his face.

\--

"We could have Xavier look at her. He's pretty experienced with this sort of thing."

"Only when it's the result of a mutation. This is magic. Even he's going to be a little unequipped."

"I don't see how anyone thinks we're unequipped. We are very equipped, have you not seen our resources?"

"She could turn all those resources into play dough when she sneezes Stark."

"That's a point. I say we let Reed Richards babysit her."

"That's not funny."

"There's always Strange."

"He's a creep."

"He's the most magical human being pretty much ever. If anyone's equipped, he is."

Clint sat in silence, trying not to look at any of them as Cathy gnawed on the strings of his hoodie.

 

\--

He didn't want to let it affect the way he looked at her, but he did. Now that it was no longer their little secret, he couldn't help seeing her the way the others did. She was his daughter, but she was also Loki's daughter, and as such she was an immensely powerful creature. She was a little bit human. But she was a little bit not, too. It didn't make him love her less. It just made him aware.

\--

"So, Strange it is?"

Clint leaned back in Phil's arms, feeling at once sated and anxious. He rolled over, pressing his bare skin to Phil's and burying his head in his throat.

"Looks like. Not for a few years, though."

"Of course not."

\--

Cathy gurgled in her sleep, and one of her dolls wobbled in response. Somewhere deep in the bowels of the computer that ran the tower, JARVIS took note of it. They wanted extensive records to give Strange when she was old enough to be apprenticed to him.

Clint rose and moved the teddy bear a little closer so she could snuggle close to it.

\--

"We could always adopt another child," Phil pointed out as he prepared the checklist for Bruce. Tony would be on standby but Bruce, as the last resort hero in the group, was the default option for babysitting over long periods of time. In spite of his reservations, he was amazing with Cathy.

Clint glanced over his shoulder. He wanted to snark that Phil had forgotten something but, of course, this was Phil. He didn't forget anything.

"I think it might be a crime against humanity that we're allowed to bring up one kid. You really think we should get another?"

"She could have a brother or sister."

"She's going to spend at least half her time with Strange, I don't think it's going to matter."

Phil turned to glance at Clint out of the corner of his eye.

"Well… it could give you something to care for the other half of the time."

Clint rolled his eyes.

"Tell you what. When she's old enough, we'll get her a puppy and get saddled taking care of it."

\--

Magic was unpredictable and damn near uncontrollable. The reason they had decided to hold off calling Strange was because they wanted a few more years with her. They wanted her to absolutely remember them before she ran off to play Hogwarts.

What they didn't take into account was that magic didn't care how old the user was.

It started off small. Cathy had a rash, and she'd slept poorly, and she was generally in a bad mood when Clint set her in the tub for her bath. She didn't want to be cleaned, she definitely wouldn't want to go to bed, and she was angry at the whole world. She also didn't have any magical control.

It started as a twinge in his chest. Clint coughed a little, ignoring the weight in his sternum as he lathered up Ildri's hair. A few minutes later, it got worse. It felt like he was trying to breathe with a vice clamped around his torso. He coughed again and tried to fight past it, rinsing her hair out… but it only got worse. He gripped the sides of the tub and tried to breathe, but no air came in. He coughed loudly, and trickle of water dripped from his lips. Cathy stared up at him with wide eyes and burst into tears. Clint coughed again, and this time a mouthful of water spewed into the tub. He gasped desperately, trying to suck air into his burning lungs as the weight grew worse and worse. Black spots danced before his eyes. The world narrowed into a tunnel filled only by the sounds of splashing water and Cathy howling.

\--

Clint stared up at the ceiling of the hospital, his hands clenched in the sheets. Phil was with Cathy, who was finally starting to recognize him as being more or less equal to Clint in the amount of attention he gave her. As far as she was probably concerned, she was just having a nice time with her second daddy, but Clint knew what this really was. Phil was saying goodbye.

"He'll send her by a few times a week to visit," Natasha told him softly. "And you know he's not necessarily going to be limited by where any of us are. He can bring her during the slow time on a mission if he has to and she'll be perfectly safe."

"That's nice," he muttered numbly. Safe… at least she had that going for her.

\--

The arrangements were made. Strange and his wife would be by at the end of the week. They didn't see this as them raising Clint's daughter, nor as them taking her away from the Avengers. They were looking after her until such time as she could return on her own.

So he was only leasing his baby to them.

Neither he nor Phil said anything. They stood over her crib and stared at her, and Clint knew Phil had to be crying too, and when they were too tired they curled up on the cot together, enjoying this one last night before she left again.

\--

Strange was a creep, but he was a good man. He would take care of Cathy, and he'd keep true to his word about bringing her to visit as often as possible. Neither he nor his wife were going to pretend they were her parents, though they were basically going to be part of the family. His stomach knotted up and he took a deep breath as he handed her over. It felt like a knife was being plunged into his chest. By now, the feeling was kind of familiar.

Then she was gone. Strange took her and slipped through one of his portals and Cathy was just… gone. Clint stared blankly at the spot she'd inhabited and reached back to squeeze Phil's hand.

"Come on," he croaked. "We've got to get her room ready for when she comes home to visit."

**Author's Note:**

> True to my word, there it was: I thought I'd post another chapter based on all the kind words and encouragement from the first one. Thank you everyone who reviewed! Who knows, maybe there'll be a few more adventures for them.
> 
> Please visit my page to read some of my other works.


End file.
